after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
