He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
