honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
