Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
