Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Pooping to opera.
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