you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize