do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I can't put those talents on a resume
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
