Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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