white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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