Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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