My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
