I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
