i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
