I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
