i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
