I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
