So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
