just tell him i said nine months
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
