The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
