I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
