i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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