the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
