brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Randomize
