Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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