I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
