I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
