Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It was like getting head from an anaconda
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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