so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
