oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My dick has a subreddit
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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