i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
