Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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