I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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