There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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