I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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