i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
