Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
