He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
