Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
