I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
