I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
