worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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