your parents love me but you hate me
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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