Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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