His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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