I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
