i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
