I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
