I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
