he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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