where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
