Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
