On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
