you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
