What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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